EDMONTON — A cow attack left Glenda Mosher with a broken jaw, her right cheek bone in four pieces, a fractured skull and all but two ribs broken.
“I honestly believe God was looking after me that night. I just wish He had intervened a bit sooner,” she said with a laugh Wednesday.
First of all, let’s agree that if in fact God was ‘looking after her that night’, that this was not his best effort. And if God did in fact intervene, what was his excuse for showing up late to the trampling? I’m pretty sure he can’t use rush hour or “I’m sorry, my robe got snagged on the Pearly Gates” as an excuse.
I think what really happened was that God was updating his Facebook status and just got distracted:
God: “hmmm….. hmmm” <click> <click> “hmmm…. heh heh heh, nice post St. Peter, you ol’ colostomy bag….”
(**Angel**) – “Woman being attached by bovine, action required immediately!”
God: “Oh crap! Ummmm….. Stop the cow!! Oh ah, send in those two dogs to bite it and drive it off!!”
(**Angel**) – “Attack has been stopped; woman has been severely tenderized.”
God: “Jee….zuss….was I too late?”
(**Angel**) – “Well, she’s pretty messed up. It looks like she will have an aversion to cheeseburgers for the rest of her life.”
God: “Well ok, but make sure to spin it so that at least I get some positive PR out of this.”
Epilogue:
I actually think God might have wanted that cow to do the tap dance on this woman. The question is, what did she do to upset God in the first place? Oooee – must have been a doozie!