Bar Bitches vs Mr. Tide

Mr. Clean strikes again!

by Foghorn on February 9, 2021

I like to do my laundry very early morning on a Saturday or Sunday, for the simple reason that the laundry room in my building is completely empty at that time of the day. There are only 5 washers and 5 dryers in my building, and if I’m washing bedding and towels I can end up using 3 or more washers. Since it’s very early in the morning (and on a weekend) I rarely see a soul.

I usually get up at 5:00 AM during the week, so to get up a bit earlier to guarantee beating any early bird rush to the laundry room isn’t a big deal. I don’t set my alarm on weekends, but usually wake up around 4:00 AM.

One admittedly slightly paranoid thing I have been doing for the past few months is sometimes (but not always) taking a can of Lysol with me when I use the elevator and giving a little squirt into the top four corners to sterilize the elevator. They are very quick bursts, and the can of Lysol is usually stowed in a bag by the time I hit the main floor.

And so it was this Sunday morning. I got up at 4:15 without even combing my hair. I put on my lounging flannel bottoms and lounging oversized T-shirt, slipped on my crocs and face mask, grabbed my laundry and supplies supplies and got on the elevator. When I stepped in the elevator, I gave the Lysol a few quick bursts into the top corners as the elevator descended to the ground floor.

As the elevator neared the ground floor I could hear voices and laughing. I was going to be treated to a rare sighting of people in my building very early in the morning! And so it was – the doors opened, and two extremely hot women were standing there. They were both wearing dangerously short cocktail dresses with cleavage popping out all over the place. I should point out here that neither one of them was wearing a face mask. Face masks aren’t sexy after all, and definitely don’t compliment cocktail dresses.

They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Laundry Man standing there with his dishevelled hair, face mask and laundry bin. They were obviously shocked to see another person at that time of the morning. They immediately stepped back and let me exit. I started to walk away as they entered the elevator, and I heard them snicker and giggle. Coming back from a night out of bar hopping at 4:15 AM and walking into a old man carrying his dirty laundry and with wild hair, a face mask and what’s basically a onesie outfit…. two completely different worlds collided.

As I walked away and heard the elevator door close, I could hear one the women exclaim “Oh my God, I can taste Lysol!”. I thought to myself, “that’s right, bar bitches! I sterilized the ride so your covid-distributing skin bags couldn’t spread the virus in my environs!”

Coming home after a night out at 4:00 AM after a night of bar hopping and having an unexpected encounter with Colonel Clean: Probably free, seeing as how they were so scantily clad. Laundry supplies and Lysol application: less than $10. For everything else there’s MasterCard.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: